one darn day

he pisses me off.

yes, im overreacting but i cant help it. i think 80% of the world is unfair and he's a huge part of it. i didnt do anything to deserve such treatment. what did i ever do to him?! damn, damn, damn. im mad!

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and then here she comes. again. i was excited to hear from her or see her, even. she has been one of the very few people i trusted. the only person i can confide with at the worst day. but what the hell... she still doesnt understand! i surely hope she at least tried to. for once, why cant everything just NOT be about how she feels?! because all this time, ive turned numb... from trying to feel her. ive lost my own ability to express emotions. i always feel her pain, sadness, and anger... that i forgot to feel my own. i tried to make her listen, but she threw away any chance i gave her to hear me. she assumed a lot, and dismissed everything to her own made-up conclusion. she refused to listen, so i gave up. but at the time when i hoped she'd finally listen, the stubborn girl i knew was at her worst. and damn, she was a tough job.

im tired. i had exams today with him. saw him on my way out. ate beside him yesterday. i cant look at him in the eye. im still pissed.

i felt i would die yesterday. she did it again. damn. i just cant get mad. i hope there's still another time for her to understand. aaargh... im exhausted, she's exhausting me. he's exhausting me.

my soul is dying.