And so TODAY:

thanks to Maya Angelou, the great american poet.

“I don't know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable. But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, 'well, if I'd known better I'd have done better,' that's all. So you say to people who you think you may have injured, 'I'm sorry,' and then you say to yourself, 'I'm sorry.' If we all hold on to the mistake, we can't see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can't see what we're capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one's own self. I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you. When a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too sexual or too asexual, that's rough. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don't have that we never grow, we never learn, and sure as hell we should never teach.”

and as for you---

“You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.”

with a glass of wine in my other hand, i am slowly rising.

Possibly my worst entry ever.

it's been three or four months since...

i can't help thinking that the universe may have conspired to make my life more miserable that it already is. blah, blah, blah... as much as i try to not ponder on it, there are just those moments when i'd still ask the damn world: what did i ever do to deserve this...

yes, i am lucky. im so fortunate to be not one of those starving kids melting under African sun, or that beggar i see everyday. so there, i think i just asked myself to stop complaining and shut up.

if only i knew that this would be the cost of my boldness and ambition... i would have just curled up in my precious cell. this mood lasted longer than i expected, i dont think i can live another month feeling like this...


good lord, does bad luck really have to shower on me on a single day?!

What's Your Cinderella Story?

i took this online test that should say how your own fairy tale would end.

and here's my result:

In your Cinderella story, you'd get to Topple Your Evil Stepsisters

Whether you're battling evil stepsisters, arguing against an unfair grade, or trying to put a bully in their place, one thing's for sure — you fight for the underdog. Let's face it: The world's not always fair. But you, more than others, know you can help make a difference.

So whether you're leading a rally cry, starting a new club, or just welcoming the new girl in school before the mean kids get a chance, you've got a strong sense of what's right and wrong and are armed with the smarts to fight for justice. So roll up your sleeves, Cinderella. You might not always feel like people notice your efforts, but deep down everyone knows you're the real belle of the ball.

i feel that dark side creeping up on me again, bwahaha...

... which is a GOOD thing, 'cause right now i think i need to break a doll's neck to destress a bit. i do hope all my bad chakras will go away with that evil side.

I wonder if the human tear glands will ever run out of secretion, whether our pain receptors would eventually go numb, or whether our heads will stop throbbing. Sometimes i wish the brain would just cease thinking so the body could lie down carelessly and be drowned in ignorant bliss; but I fear my wishes, when once I thought perhaps it would be better off if the lungs just discontinue breathing and the heart would stop beating.

I look.... Demented. *sigh*

i dont like my nails. they're growing frustratingly flat and shapeless. well, i just noticed... but anyway, my nails have nothing to do with the dull pain im feeling in my right cheek right now. *looks for a mirror* phew, at least it's not purple or anything... oh right. what happened? well, I JUST HAD MY CHEEK AND JAWLINE BANG INTO THE HAND RAILING OF THE LRT. i know that sounds quite stupid, like who on earth would crash into perfectly safe metal bars... safe huh? not when you're running 30 kph and suddenly stop in the middle of the railway with 50 passengers bouncing around like pins in a sewing box.

but i guess that's not the only reason for my demented state. it's a sunny day today, and im wearing a wide turtle neck capuccino shirt, a white sweater (which i eventually tied to my waist), black slacks and black leather boots; i carried a roughly 2-pound video camera encased in a leather bag and a maroon backpack which contained absolutely unnecessary things (namely: a scientific calculator, a clear book, a hygiene kit-well at least that was necessary, trash and more trash). and i dragged six people out in to the sweltering noontime sun to commute across the metro, with I having no idea what our destination looked like. well, they had no choice... if they wanted to pass that dreaded Speech Comm, they had to bear with me anyway. hehe. i guess karma went down on me really quick... i soon realized we had to walk a kilometer under the sun in my boots and my baggage. all this, i did on a sunny day.

the end result? ME looking like a corporate failure- my supposedly nice clothes about to soak in sweat, my hair exploding all over my face, still carrying the damn camera and scrambling to get a bus seat home. my knee's actually hurting too... *stares blankly on knee* and surprise, surprise... i've got a cut on my knee. (i think i remember hitting the LRT floor too)

my advice to anyone: don't wear turtle necks on sunny days.