Looking to Borrow As Well? Read.

Perhaps I have peso signs written all over my body that I just fail to notice. Or maybe my surname sounds like that of the CEO of a certain bank. Because I don't have any other explanation as to why many people tend to come to me like I'm a loaning agency. At least three people ask me every week for some extra cash, which I'm surprised to know I look like I have. Hmmm.

I don't want anything to do with debts. I don't borrow and I don't let people borrow money from me. There are some exceptions though; maybe me being incredibly stupid or hypnotized or when there's a life-or-death situation. So yes, you can ask me, and yes, I might lend some; but you should know the unspoken rules about loaning from me. If you claim to be my friend then it should be pretty easy to negotiate. Since I really was incredibly stupid during the last time I got myself involved in a loan, please excuse the emerging bitch.

- If you are one of my good friends, think about the implications of borrowing from me. Again, it's okay to ask. Just remember that I am a friend and not a bank. If I had the means, I would prefer to give than to expect it returned.

- Don't bring it up that I'm single with no children as your reason for choosing to come to me. If you are employed, I believe we stand in the same financial ground. We have different priorities but essentially how we tend to them kind of makes us even. If you tell me I look generous, maybe I'll think about it. Haha.

- Be transparent. Let me know your reason for borrowing money and why you are so desperate that you had to ask me. If it's such a great need, I might even consider helping you instead of just lending. In fact, I would willingly deposit in your account or pay something for you if I could and wanted to, given of course that you have valid reasons to ask for financial help. The bottomline is, do not ask for something as trivial as a new MP3 player for your lovey-dovey. I'm sure lovey-dovey wouldn't mind missing a new gadget if it meant saving up for necessity. Save yourself some dignity.

- If you say it's a loan, I consider it a loan. A loan which has a payment plan and has to be paid on time. Then again, I understand extensions because there really are things in the world that happen beyond anyone's control. But well, extending five times is, to be brutally honest, a little shameful. To think that I don't even put on interest. If you extend, please be polite enough to inform me periodically that you still remember the agreement instead of me wondering if you even remember who I am.

- When I say I can't, I mean that I CAN'T. You don't have to text me ten more times pleading for the same thing that I already dismissed. If I rejected you once, I'll probably do it again even after three hours or three days. Oh, and don't try to borrow while you still have an outstanding balance with me 'cause that's just too funny. Don't try to make me laugh because eventually my laughter turns into sarcasm.

I understand that you are an average person stuck in the economic recession. Guess what, I'm in it too!

Defining Stress

I'm stressed. I decided to open up a new business venture with the family and since I had a limited budget, we had to do the labor ourselves. It's beyond normal human effort to be able to accomplish what we have to go through everyday.

Speaking of stress, I was organizing my picture archive when I saw these shots - a testament to the crazy toxic lifestyle we had almost two years ago. It's a good thing I decided to take pictures of our thesis lab board before graduating 'cause these are priceless! Serious yet funny at the same time. Di ko kinaya yung zebrafish, LOL!

I posted this for no reason. I have nothing else to blog about, I guess.



To the best labmates ever. :D

Para Kay... Ewan Ko.

Para siguro sa mga taong nakakaintindi.

It's eleven at night and I just got home from Manila. Since Monday, I had set foot in my own home for such a short time that it caused suspicion from the family. I slept over at Joey's house, along with my laptop and stuff, for a purpose my parents didn't understand. Truth is, I went there for an overnight Bleach marathon; and Joey luckily had a spare bottle of red wine that we shared during that early morning. Being the bunso in my family, I had to explain in detail why I was leaving again today for the metro. I actually had no reason, so I just said I'd follow up a certain job application (which I never really did). I just felt the city calling me.

During the sleepover, I was also able to borrow Pops' copy of Ricky Lee's scriptwriting manual entitled Trip to Quiapo, the Signed Copy which she and Jay won at a raffle in Trinoma. This copy, as it turned out, would have something to do with today's Manila escapade. I borrowed it because of a secret dream that's not so secret anymore. I already started with the book but stopped; because all of a sudden I thought that if I was to take Ricky Lee's writing advice, I would have to know him first. Sure, I've watched and loved a few of his movies and saw him on TV a couple of times, but I had to know, erm, understand him. So I had to read Para Kay B.

So today: When I got to the mall I love most in Manila, the first thing I did was run to Power Books for a copy of Para Kay B. Due to force of habit, I turned left towards the free reading section of the store. I admit that sometimes I am a freeloader. Immediately, I saw five copies of Para Kay B on the shelves for in-store reading and didn't even blink as I grabbed one. I immersed myself in the book for the next four hours. The Power Books crowd had changed numerous instances by the time I finished the novel. Quoting the Boy Abunda review of the Filipino novel, "Hindi ko mabitiwan ang nobelang ito maski ihing-ihi na ako." The book put a spell on me. I felt stupid thinking that it was the only reason why the city called me, that I rode the tricycle, bus and jeepney for several miles just to read this book?! Oo, alam ko, may National Bookstore naman sa Santa Rosa.

I was still in a daze from reading when I met up with two college friends during the afternoon. The meeting was short and sweet, just catching up with the latest personal events. One of them asked me, "Why are you here again?"

I said I don't know. I made the trip just because of a gut feeling. When they left, I opted to stay in the mall because I felt the day wasn't done. I began the late afternoon searching for techie accessories but found none that I need. Suddenly, the day that had no purpose became a day of searching. I paid a visit to my alma mater, specifically to a certain laboratory. It was the lab I wanted to work in. I looked for a former classmate who worked here only to find her bench unusually clean and the only hint of her presence, a lab gown, perched on the old coat hanger. I left the building, literally circled my old campus three times,  catching glimpses of med students getting busy with books and chitchat. Some faces were familiar but most were strangers.

I knew I was looking for something but didn't know what it was. I went back to the mall and walked all four levels in an hour. Then there was this urge to search for a tea shop, which turned into a search for books on sale, then for a good Japanese restaurant, then turned into a search for the best takoyaki. When I felt discomfort in my stomach, probably PMS, I settled in a Japanese cafe, satisfied a craving for takoyaki and milk tea as I drowned myself in oddly familiar J-pop music.

Even on short notice, I ended up meeting a friend who I've had for the last 13 years. We had dinner, caught up with our lives, talked about family, life, love, career and comedy. A most refreshing conversation after such a long time. The same question popped up, "Why are you here?" I was looking for something, I answered. My friend offered to help me look for it but I said it would be better for us to spend the night over dinner. We were just there, amidst plates of Italian food... talking.

I took home leftover pizza and pasta to my family, perhaps to thank them for today's freedom.

Just so you know, I didn't find it. Whatever it is.

Topak.

Tagalog ito. Di lahat, kasi di ko kaya ng deretso. Basta. Ganun pala talaga yun, isang araw magigising ka na lang at biglang papasok sa isip mo "gusto kong mag-Filipino ngayong araw na ito".

Ako yung tipo ng tao na di marunong magsabi ng "I miss you". Marami din naman akong namimiss at hinahanap katulad nung cake sa isang restaurant, yung paborito kong daga tsaka yung kalat ko sa laboratory; pero kapag sa tao, ibang usapan na iyon. Siguro namimiss ko din sila, di ko lang sinasabi. Kung nasabi ko man sayo, maswerte ka siguro. Alam mo ba, pag lagi kang nag-iisa, maiisip mo yung mga ganitong bagay; maiisip mo yung mga di mo nakikita at gusto mong makita o maranasan. Human nature siguro iyon.

Sa ngayon, namimiss ko:

- ang climate sa "kaharian ng basketball"
- yung chocolate raspberry truffle cake sa Ditka's
- si Rein, yung makulit na daga
- yung umaapaw na kape sa opis
- ang Torch. O baka ang namimiss ko talaga eh yung experience na naiimprenta ang mga sinusulat ko?
- yung mga corny at walang kwentang pag-uusap tungkol sa last episode ng Smallville o kaya Fushigi Yuugi
- yung kalat, amoy tsaka mga maduduming glasswares ko sa laboratory
- yung labgown na dati palaging nakadikit sakin kahit kumakain
- ang hangin sa Maynila
- ang paglalakad ko ng mag-isa sa mall ng walang katuturan
- pagtambay ng tatlong oras sa Power Books
- matagal na paghahanap ng sulit na libro sa Book Sale
- makipagkwentuhan sa mga kaibigan kahit budget lunch lang ang kinakain
- pumasok at matulog sa klase ni Doc Basco habang pino-prove nya ang Schrodinger's equation
- maiwan sa bahay mag-isa at magpakasawa sa ice cream habang nanonood ng sandamakmak na DVD
- yung paggising sa umaga na alam mo na may makabuluhan kang gagawin sa buong araw
- ang paglalaro ng Mystery Case Files habang hinihintay ang digestion ng samples ko
- yung pakiramdam na nakamamatay yung bagay na nasa mga kamay ko
- ang pagkakaroon ng palusot na pagod ako para di putaktihin ng argumento
- yung mga food trip namin nila Kay at Faye
- yung paglipat ni Raymond sa side ng oncoming traffic tuwing tatawid kami (Wala pa kong nakikitang ibang gumawa nun.)
- ang boses ni Kenet na naririnig ko mula sa sampung metrong layo
- yung pakiramdam na may laman ang utak ko kahit konti? Haha.
- ang makatulog sa gabi nang tahimik ang mundo

Marami din pala. Haha. Ngayong gabi, susubukan ko nang matulog.