Looking to Borrow As Well? Read.

Perhaps I have peso signs written all over my body that I just fail to notice. Or maybe my surname sounds like that of the CEO of a certain bank. Because I don't have any other explanation as to why many people tend to come to me like I'm a loaning agency. At least three people ask me every week for some extra cash, which I'm surprised to know I look like I have. Hmmm.

I don't want anything to do with debts. I don't borrow and I don't let people borrow money from me. There are some exceptions though; maybe me being incredibly stupid or hypnotized or when there's a life-or-death situation. So yes, you can ask me, and yes, I might lend some; but you should know the unspoken rules about loaning from me. If you claim to be my friend then it should be pretty easy to negotiate. Since I really was incredibly stupid during the last time I got myself involved in a loan, please excuse the emerging bitch.

- If you are one of my good friends, think about the implications of borrowing from me. Again, it's okay to ask. Just remember that I am a friend and not a bank. If I had the means, I would prefer to give than to expect it returned.

- Don't bring it up that I'm single with no children as your reason for choosing to come to me. If you are employed, I believe we stand in the same financial ground. We have different priorities but essentially how we tend to them kind of makes us even. If you tell me I look generous, maybe I'll think about it. Haha.

- Be transparent. Let me know your reason for borrowing money and why you are so desperate that you had to ask me. If it's such a great need, I might even consider helping you instead of just lending. In fact, I would willingly deposit in your account or pay something for you if I could and wanted to, given of course that you have valid reasons to ask for financial help. The bottomline is, do not ask for something as trivial as a new MP3 player for your lovey-dovey. I'm sure lovey-dovey wouldn't mind missing a new gadget if it meant saving up for necessity. Save yourself some dignity.

- If you say it's a loan, I consider it a loan. A loan which has a payment plan and has to be paid on time. Then again, I understand extensions because there really are things in the world that happen beyond anyone's control. But well, extending five times is, to be brutally honest, a little shameful. To think that I don't even put on interest. If you extend, please be polite enough to inform me periodically that you still remember the agreement instead of me wondering if you even remember who I am.

- When I say I can't, I mean that I CAN'T. You don't have to text me ten more times pleading for the same thing that I already dismissed. If I rejected you once, I'll probably do it again even after three hours or three days. Oh, and don't try to borrow while you still have an outstanding balance with me 'cause that's just too funny. Don't try to make me laugh because eventually my laughter turns into sarcasm.

I understand that you are an average person stuck in the economic recession. Guess what, I'm in it too!

Five Steps

Here are five steps to guaranteed public execution on grounds of extremely unusual interest and social behavior:

1. See a beetle, rejoice.

2. Try to kick it gently with shoe but allow beetle to stick itself on the sole.

3. Pick up beetle and play with it. Jokingly (for you, at least) scare the on-lookers, especially the squeamish women.

4. Warn all other species to avoid killing the said beetle, after a merciless few attempt spraying it with cigarette embers.

5. Let go of beetle and offer a simple explanation to the curious higher species as to why it hisses.

That's all there is to it. Wait for the vile jokes that come soon after, forcing you to spit out the genus and species of the said creature for an extended moment of shame.

The scientific name is Oryctes rhinoceros. Happy now? I'm not even a friggin' Bio major (so it's not surprising if I got it wrong). BOO.

Stupid.

No one's born dumb.

But stupid? Maybe.

... Like people who don't even think about how they bother other people's work just so they can do theirs flawlessly without even a shred of effort.

To my friends who can read this entry, have you ever seen me get mad? If not, read and enjoy. :)

-000-

Because I believe in preserving your dignity and I think no one deserves to be degraded in front of others, I haven't said anything to embarass you and I haven't told them yet about the stupidity I've witnessed. Your name's not even here and these people don't even know you. Dito na lang, at least di ka nila kilala. I get the chance to bash you without anyone else getting hurt.

You were employed in a company that speaks English as a policy so would you please learn to speak in freakin' English?! Have you even noticed how we answer you in a different language everytime you ask a stupid question? Did you even notice how we were hoping you'd follow suit? I guess not then. And I know you're wondering why I've shared more small talks with your American guy than you two actually had. Use the language and maybe you won't be so left out. Stop thinking you can get away with anything because you look innocent and pretty. Other people are investing their efforts and mental energy on something that you'd just breeze through because your talented colleagues just happened to be kind enough to make things easier for you.

You think you know how it works. You think because they call me anytime to ask for help, you can do the same and abuse me? They ask me for second opinions and that's only because they believe I know better at some things. They ask about grammar -something that even I get confused with sometimes- and factual tidbits that they assume I would happen to know. But you... you ask me to think for you! Get your neurons working, girl. Read, think, understand! Before you complain about things being so hard, have you ever thought maybe that's because they're meant to be hard and meant to require this basic action called THINKING?

Tangina, mag-isip ka naman! (I don't usually curse, but forgive me just this once.)

I help them because they ask nicely. And besides, they offer me the same help when I'm the one who needs it. They're even that nice to treat me to lunch even though it's not necessary. It's called teamwork. They see the problem, think and try to work it out... and then say "Anna, can you help me with this?" And then say thank you or promise a treat in return. Do you even realize what you do? You see the problem, scratch your head, complain about how difficult it looks and say, "Anna, tulungan mo nga ko dito! Ang hirap naman kasi!"

I don't even know why I still come running to help you even though you sound like you're ordering me and not asking me. I even abandon my job to help you first because it takes a lot of dictating and explaining for you to understand what needs to be done. When everyone else has left because they're tired of you're doing your job for you, I stay and endure the whole process. I do that even when you keep a weird gaze at me when I browse news, trivia sites or stuff about stem cells and odd magazine articles. Hija, it's called READING. I'm not like the rest of 'em who answer love quizzes in their free time. They already made sure I get that I'm weird so I'm used to the stares. But you're much worse then them. You have the guts to interrupt my reading and force me to do the same nonsense so you'll be entertained. Are you serious?

Normal people don't tolerate that kind of parasitic behaviour. It so happened that I'm not as normal so you're lucky I tolerate you. You get that, right? You're not dumb... even though you don't know what dumb means (I'm not exaggerating, the poor girl really doesn't know). You just need to stop being lazy and let the brain you're born with get some well-needed workout.

It's okay to ask me. Just think first before you do. And try to do your job by yourself, at least once. See how it feels. Maybe then you'll understand the expressions we all have when we read our payslips. While you're at it, try understanding the computation of your salary too. Oh, and maybe next time I can teach you about stem cells and stuff so you'll impress them with your looks AND wit.

And yes, when my blood returns to its normal temperature, I'll still help you. Don't worry, I won't call you stupid out there. I had to do it here so no one else would have to hear it.

-000-

Hay, salamat at may Multiply restricted access. Gusto ko pa magmura, pero tama na ang isa. I want to believe I'm still kind enough to have vented it out this way than in any other manner.