Crap.

Truckloads of it.

Honestly

Yung totoo, mukha na ba akong tinutubuan ng pera sa ilong?

Matingkad bang Lacoste ang mga damit ko at Balenciaga ang dala kong bag? Wtf, di pa nga ako nakakakita ng Balenciaga sa totoong buhay.

Mukha bang pinapacheck ko ang skin ko sa dermatologist? Girl, Pond's lang yan.

Sa tingin mo ba magTatagalog ako kung hindi ako seryoso? I meant it when I said this before, and I mean this even more now.

Just because I'm single doesn't mean I spend all my money on gadgets and fancy clothes. Well, I don't have a PSP even when I can. I have responsibilities and a lot of it involves a future that I can't even assure that I can get to. So don't come to me for money like I'm your ATM card. Do you even care that you haven't paid me a single peso for the loan that I so gladly granted you months ago?

You're nice and smart. I'm sure you have fifty more friends to ask help from. You should know better than to ask me, especially when you still owe me roughly the same amount of money that you're asking for now. I understand your situation though, and I won't question your reasons and the crisis you are facing at present.

Do it with style. I mean, don't pester me every two weeks as if I'm obligated to help you. Like I told you yesterday, if I can, I really would. I won't even ask you to pay me. But I have my thing, like you have yours. Maraming paraan, di madaling hanapin pero may iba pa bukod sa akin.


Don't worry, I'll get something for the kid as soon as I can manage my M&S shirts, Balenciaga bags and my stupid Blackberry. Somebody stop me. :P

Unharmed, for now.

I almost hit a car today.

I was cautious and learning; I was on hazard and carefully inching my way to make a U-turn when the Honda cut right in front of me! That was just plain rude. You never cut in front of a student driver that close. Never. Do you know that the time it takes for me to step on the brake would naturally be longer than the time it would take for me to utter something profane?! We could find ourselves looking at each other in the emergency room before I could even finish swearing.

Common courtesy is not so common these days. And I'm not talking about driving. I'm new at this - switching gears, making choices, hitting gutters - you know, life. Stop cutting in front of me because I know what I'm doing but you have to let me do it. If I crash into you, we both get hurt but you'll blame me anyway.

M & P

As mundane and sinful as this may sound, there are only 2 things that matter in this underground escapade: money and pride.

The first one is relatively easy to gain because like they always say: underworked, overpaid. In my case, it's more like: irritatingly underemployed, but blissfully overpaid.

Pride, however, is a whole different story. The pit is a place where humans are made to act like robots and machines are forced to think like humans. For a few hours, regular people who happen to have a worldful of self-respect are compelled to surrender their rights to a hierarchy that creates their delusional sense of superiority and pride.

Putanginang motivation yan. I CAN work without it, as I have done so in the past. I have pushed myself harder and further before, but my pride has never been compromised to a degree that I did not deserve. Even though I already knew that this time, I would have to compromise more; I still expected the least. I only expected freakin' affirmation. ONLY affirmation... for the fact that even though I fail to be pliable to authority and socially exciting to my equals, I have proved that I can rise beyond what is required. I heard none, not even a passing remark; because as usual, in this crappy adult high school world: cool people always win.

I get it.

NOW I totally get it. Passion. It's irreplaceable. Not even the numerous golden Ninoys can match it.

Money is good. Despite the millions of icky bacteria it harbors, a bundle of cash smells good, even just figuratively speaking. It's my anti-pest spray that keeps all the pesky petty shortage issues away. And I do consider myself lucky, to be in this thing that apparently does sprout money as easily as mung beans on a damp towel. Then like some kind of twisted poetic justice, just when you think you've got what you always wanted; all the other non-worldly bullshit in your life come to multiply themselves into those little shitheads that annoy you every day.

No matter how much your colleagues envy you for your high incentives, no matter how bitter your sibling is because you're a little wealthier, and no matter how much guilt was lifted because you were able to endure mental suicide for the sake of a little stability...

... it all comes down to what you want. Still.



I can do better than this.

I can extract and fingerprint DNA. How many people in the world can do that? Right? Fine, there's probably a lot of people who can do the same thing and more but still, I don't deserve to be treated like a load of stupid crap.

And they said, at least you'll have friends. Yeah, if only there were more than two people with whom you won't have to explain yourself all the time.

Personality At Work

I am an INTJ. I knew that from a personality test I took years ago.

credits to this blog for the very fitting image

This is part of the profile of an INTJ according to Wikipedia: "They tend to be pragmatic and logical individuals, often with an individualistic bent and a low tolerance for spin or rampant emotionalism. They are also commonly not susceptible to catchphrases and commonly do not recognize authority based on tradition, rank or title."

So despite having this extremely boring, repetitive workload mixed with a crowd of arrogant know-it-alls who think they're naturally some kind of superior species; I manage. I don't care how much higher they are at the ranks, 'cause it doesn't mean they're better than anybody else. No one gets any right to raise his/her voice at me just because I was able to finish something in a shorter time frame than what was expected. It's how I work, and I get paid well for that speed. This job is boring enough that I don't have to linger too much on a stupid questionnaire.

Also, according to the article: "They generally withhold strong emotion and do not like to waste time, as they see it, with what they consider irrational social rituals. This, however, may cause non-INTJs to perceive them as distant and reserved."

So no one should expect me to take interest in that unnecessary activity of chismisan, that even gets as far as the whole world knowing how much I got on my last paycheck. Thank you for the good remarks, but there's a reason why payslips are printed in those peek-proof sheets. That reason is called confidentiality.

Lastly: "Hallmark features of the INTJ personality type include independence of thought, strong individualism, creativity, and a desire for efficiency. People with this personality type work best given large amounts of autonomy and creative freedom.... They tend to be acutely aware of their knowledge and abilities, as well as their limitations and what they don't know."

So if I want to be a smart ass, I WILL be a smart ass.


I recommend the articles on the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types for a fun read at work where other reading materials are prohibited.

Stupid.

No one's born dumb.

But stupid? Maybe.

... Like people who don't even think about how they bother other people's work just so they can do theirs flawlessly without even a shred of effort.

To my friends who can read this entry, have you ever seen me get mad? If not, read and enjoy. :)

-000-

Because I believe in preserving your dignity and I think no one deserves to be degraded in front of others, I haven't said anything to embarass you and I haven't told them yet about the stupidity I've witnessed. Your name's not even here and these people don't even know you. Dito na lang, at least di ka nila kilala. I get the chance to bash you without anyone else getting hurt.

You were employed in a company that speaks English as a policy so would you please learn to speak in freakin' English?! Have you even noticed how we answer you in a different language everytime you ask a stupid question? Did you even notice how we were hoping you'd follow suit? I guess not then. And I know you're wondering why I've shared more small talks with your American guy than you two actually had. Use the language and maybe you won't be so left out. Stop thinking you can get away with anything because you look innocent and pretty. Other people are investing their efforts and mental energy on something that you'd just breeze through because your talented colleagues just happened to be kind enough to make things easier for you.

You think you know how it works. You think because they call me anytime to ask for help, you can do the same and abuse me? They ask me for second opinions and that's only because they believe I know better at some things. They ask about grammar -something that even I get confused with sometimes- and factual tidbits that they assume I would happen to know. But you... you ask me to think for you! Get your neurons working, girl. Read, think, understand! Before you complain about things being so hard, have you ever thought maybe that's because they're meant to be hard and meant to require this basic action called THINKING?

Tangina, mag-isip ka naman! (I don't usually curse, but forgive me just this once.)

I help them because they ask nicely. And besides, they offer me the same help when I'm the one who needs it. They're even that nice to treat me to lunch even though it's not necessary. It's called teamwork. They see the problem, think and try to work it out... and then say "Anna, can you help me with this?" And then say thank you or promise a treat in return. Do you even realize what you do? You see the problem, scratch your head, complain about how difficult it looks and say, "Anna, tulungan mo nga ko dito! Ang hirap naman kasi!"

I don't even know why I still come running to help you even though you sound like you're ordering me and not asking me. I even abandon my job to help you first because it takes a lot of dictating and explaining for you to understand what needs to be done. When everyone else has left because they're tired of you're doing your job for you, I stay and endure the whole process. I do that even when you keep a weird gaze at me when I browse news, trivia sites or stuff about stem cells and odd magazine articles. Hija, it's called READING. I'm not like the rest of 'em who answer love quizzes in their free time. They already made sure I get that I'm weird so I'm used to the stares. But you're much worse then them. You have the guts to interrupt my reading and force me to do the same nonsense so you'll be entertained. Are you serious?

Normal people don't tolerate that kind of parasitic behaviour. It so happened that I'm not as normal so you're lucky I tolerate you. You get that, right? You're not dumb... even though you don't know what dumb means (I'm not exaggerating, the poor girl really doesn't know). You just need to stop being lazy and let the brain you're born with get some well-needed workout.

It's okay to ask me. Just think first before you do. And try to do your job by yourself, at least once. See how it feels. Maybe then you'll understand the expressions we all have when we read our payslips. While you're at it, try understanding the computation of your salary too. Oh, and maybe next time I can teach you about stem cells and stuff so you'll impress them with your looks AND wit.

And yes, when my blood returns to its normal temperature, I'll still help you. Don't worry, I won't call you stupid out there. I had to do it here so no one else would have to hear it.

-000-

Hay, salamat at may Multiply restricted access. Gusto ko pa magmura, pero tama na ang isa. I want to believe I'm still kind enough to have vented it out this way than in any other manner.

Why Do You Ask... WHY?

"Boyfriend?"
> "None."

"Had boyfriends??"
> "No."

"Since birth???" (Notice how the ?s increase.)
> "Yes."

"Owwws????"
> "You don't believe me?"

"Why?????"
> "Well, why do I need a reason?"

This is probably one of the lamest posts I'd ever put in this blog but what the heck, when you're fed up, somethin's just gotta give. Different instances of conversation around a span of a week with different people has triggered a phenomenon called being fed up.

Tell me, my favorite people in the world, do I need a reason to be single? Is WHY that big of a deal? After frequent conversations similar to the one above, guys usually stare at me for a good 5 mins or so, girls gasp in amazement and gays push through with the seemingly endless interrogating. And puhleeease, I am not easy (so don't give me that look)... or gay (especially not THAT look)... or naive.

I don't usually mind being asked, but I DO mind having to explain. My sis said that maybe it's because our kind is becoming an endangered species. Now that's a funny way to put it. :P

So thank you. For not asking me. And for not being stupidly interested in a non-existent explanation. :)

The girl from...

UP.

That's what they call me.

There are other variations like "Ate UP", "Miss UP", "Yoopee-yoopee" but mostly it's just UP girl or simply UP. My name tent says Anna in bold font size 85 or something but they call me just the same, everyday.

It feels somewhat like being a superhero... it's either a gift or a curse. Sometimes it even feels like high school, when being smart makes you less cool and socially incapable. So what, I got 11 out of 15 in that stupid logic test. If I had been taking the same test with my college buddies, my score would have been on the mediocre standard. This is how you turn out after years of blood-draining analysis and forced quick thinking. It's not some sort of extra-terrestrial power. It's not worth replacing a human being's name with an acronym.

People have names for a purpose. My name tent (tag) is HUGE for a purpose.




If it's your first time to encounter a nerd, deal with it.


-edit-

Again. Stop making an issue of the fact that I write during break times. You do your  thing, retouch your make-up, make chika and all that... I write. It's the same. It's not an alien ritual, so stop peering on my notes and talking behind my back.

Rare Occurrences

Shopping has always been more a luxury than a necessity in the world I grew up in. Unless we're running out of stuff to fill our bellies with or use in the shower, I don't get to shop for new things. I lived on presents, hand-me-downs and company freebies. Going around while actually spending cash as opposed to staring aimlessly at shelves is a rarity. Case in point: The mom, surprisingly, took us kids out for a little shopping as her post-birthday treat.

However, I don't think I'm shopping again anytime soon. First reason- cheap, regular clothes don't fit me. I wanted to buy what I called a "Lee Da Hae" blouse but apparently, Large still doesn't fit me... when in the US I fit in petites and small moderates! In the end, I got a smallest shirt in the plus-size section. Frustrating, no? Then there's a second reason- the salesman at the men's wear section would probably remember me as the girl who was picking out boxer shorts for herself. I helped my brother choose a pair of boxers and then just as the sales guy greeted us, my bro blurted out, "May smaller size, fit sa'yo! Turo mo, ikukuha kita and then ako na sa cashier para di nakakahiya."  When it couldn't get any worse, my mom held up a few of the items and asked how I'd like it (Mommy?!). Okay, I don't mind friends knowing I like wearing men's boxers at home, but I don't like having salespersons stifle giggles about it while I'm doing some serious shopping. So I told my mother I'll stick to grocery shopping for the mean time.

Another rare thing happened Sunday midnight until early Monday morning. Gerard, our beloved brother/Oble scholar/summa cum laude/future M.D. was online and available to talk, for once! Hehe. He's in Cebu right now after their cardio module and for a birthday with his family. It was his birthday last week and I totally forgot (what's more embarassing, I greeted Hernie and had a hunch that there was another August birthday but forgot it was Gerard's)!

Anyway... UP fam: sabi nya sobrang miss na daw na tayo and laging wrong timing yung mga dinners natin sa schedule nya. He hopes to be able to see us sometime when he's not busy (yikes, in med school, who knows when that will be diba?).

Who knows what other rare events are in store for me in the next few weeks? Like me going out, perhaps? :P

Drama Queen, For Once.

I was never a drama queen.

When the lives of the people around you contain enough drama to make a soap opera, there is no time to waste adding your own drama to the mix. I don't remember having a crying fit, banging a door or walking out because of anything. Others found it quite strange for me to be calm, sensible and ridiculously compliant when the rest of the teenage population was composed of either happy-go-lucky or excessively emo rebels.

You see, the most stubborn I can go was to make a disappointing decision.

I think there's nothing wrong with being anti-social. You don't accuse someone of being anti-social. It is a choice to avoid displaying unnecessary emotion and friendliness, just like it is a choice to be loud and outgoing. We are not less human and we don't necessarily have low self-esteem.

Isn't it convenient that I haven't said that to anybody's face yet? Just because I don't scream and lash out at anybody, doesn't mean everything you say is acceptable. Just because I am obedient and non-confrontational by nature doesn't mean what you do isn't demeaning. You don't know how lucky you are that I am relaxed and rational like they say I am; that I don't add more unnecessary drama to your life.



I know I still don't have the luxury to wallow. I still am deprived of the right to be angry. I don't even remember the last time I felt my eyes damp. But would you please, at least... give me time to breathe? 

There's no use

Ignoring. Denying. Hiding. Or running away.

Maybe pride is just a piece of crap invented by man to justify why he is embarrassed by failure. You want to take it? Fine. You don't have to tell me that the world is unfair, because I know. Tough luck, we all live in it. You'll be surprised once fairness takes my side.

I have to take the wheel and start driving, literally and otherwise.

Girls and boys, it's showtime.

Sorry for the Inconvenience. Right.

I'm terribly busy but I'm posting this entry as a protest to bad automated system and customer service. I am very calm by nature and don't usually grump about people or companies unless the situation absolutely calls for it.

But today, I've simply had enough of Globe's system delays and constant glitches.

Here's what happened:
It's my first time using their Share-A-Load service on my few months-old Globe sim; and I know for a fact that there's a short registration procedure in using the system. So I sent 5 pesos to my mom's number only so that I can get the confirmation message which includes the mechanics for registration of Share-A-Load. After a few messages saying my request cannot be accommodated and an hour's delay, the P5 I sent was received, and I finally obtained the mechanics for registration. Obviously I'm not dumb or blind, so I read AND understood the registration procedure. I did the thing in a breeze, and again, after so much delay, I received the message confirming my registration. And by the way, with that I also got a second message confirming the P5 I sent to my mom... which means, because I tried sending it so many times, two transactions were recorded in their system and processed, only because they always CANNOT accommodate the request. How's that? So anyway, after that I tried sharing P100 to my brother, using the four-character PIN I registered with. The return message from Globe said that I entered the wrong PIN and that I should send GET <mother's maiden name> to retrieve it. So even though I was  wondering why that happened, I again followed the instruction and expected to get my PIN. And yet again, after such a long time, I received something saying that I entered the wrong mother's maiden name. How can I be wrong about my mother's maiden name?! I assumed (because I couldn't find any other explanation) that it was probably a glitch. So I sent the Share-A-Load request to my brother repeatedly, like I always do when weird stuff happens like in frequently palpak UnliTxt or Sulitxt requests. And then magically, WITHOUT THE USUAL DELAY, I received the service message saying that my Share-A-Load capability was blocked due to sending the wrong PIN three times! And it said to call 215 for my concerns, etc. After mutterring a few WTFs, I decided to call this 215 and got hold of a poor call center agent. I was ranting non-stop on the phone but then my kinder alter-ego actually wanted to be more considerate to this agent who's not actually the one at fault. Just when I had given my name and number and calmed down a bit, the line went dead. With my patience reaching the critical limit, I called again and got connected to the program playing music while waiting for an agent to pick up. I heard the line pick up but there was only dead air. So for the friggin' third time, I called and fortunately got connected to a new male agent (the first one's female). He told me the same stuff the girl told me before we got cut off and asked for my name and number again, but then also asked for my sim serial number which I cannot fetch due to my location (duh). He explained that I have to call again when I get the serial so they could verify it before they can even activate my Share-A-Load capability. And after a thousand apologies from him and some standard closing spiels, I got nothing.

All the hassle for nothing. In the first place, if the system was reliable enough I wouldn't have resorted to calling Customer Service and the guy wouldn't have to keep saying he's sorry for the inconvenience he didn't actually cause. There are a lot more complaints on several forums on the net when I checked, especially on the Globe Rewards and the UnliTxt service. Besides, I've had enough calling them again and again to ask about mysteriously disappearing phone credits; or the strange load-devouring tendency of my brother's previous roaming service.

I'm not saying we boycott Globe or anything. I'm also not saying we call them up and yell on all of their customer service reps... I'm just ranting.

He kept saying "Ma'am, sorry for the inconvenience". It's his job. I can only imagine him trying to handle the other irate, less understanding customers because they had the same or worse problems that I had with the company's services.

Considering they're a major service provider, probably abound with experts in the telecom and sales industry, I wonder what they could be doing wrong.