Unharmed, for now.

I almost hit a car today.

I was cautious and learning; I was on hazard and carefully inching my way to make a U-turn when the Honda cut right in front of me! That was just plain rude. You never cut in front of a student driver that close. Never. Do you know that the time it takes for me to step on the brake would naturally be longer than the time it would take for me to utter something profane?! We could find ourselves looking at each other in the emergency room before I could even finish swearing.

Common courtesy is not so common these days. And I'm not talking about driving. I'm new at this - switching gears, making choices, hitting gutters - you know, life. Stop cutting in front of me because I know what I'm doing but you have to let me do it. If I crash into you, we both get hurt but you'll blame me anyway.

Looking to Borrow As Well? Read.

Perhaps I have peso signs written all over my body that I just fail to notice. Or maybe my surname sounds like that of the CEO of a certain bank. Because I don't have any other explanation as to why many people tend to come to me like I'm a loaning agency. At least three people ask me every week for some extra cash, which I'm surprised to know I look like I have. Hmmm.

I don't want anything to do with debts. I don't borrow and I don't let people borrow money from me. There are some exceptions though; maybe me being incredibly stupid or hypnotized or when there's a life-or-death situation. So yes, you can ask me, and yes, I might lend some; but you should know the unspoken rules about loaning from me. If you claim to be my friend then it should be pretty easy to negotiate. Since I really was incredibly stupid during the last time I got myself involved in a loan, please excuse the emerging bitch.

- If you are one of my good friends, think about the implications of borrowing from me. Again, it's okay to ask. Just remember that I am a friend and not a bank. If I had the means, I would prefer to give than to expect it returned.

- Don't bring it up that I'm single with no children as your reason for choosing to come to me. If you are employed, I believe we stand in the same financial ground. We have different priorities but essentially how we tend to them kind of makes us even. If you tell me I look generous, maybe I'll think about it. Haha.

- Be transparent. Let me know your reason for borrowing money and why you are so desperate that you had to ask me. If it's such a great need, I might even consider helping you instead of just lending. In fact, I would willingly deposit in your account or pay something for you if I could and wanted to, given of course that you have valid reasons to ask for financial help. The bottomline is, do not ask for something as trivial as a new MP3 player for your lovey-dovey. I'm sure lovey-dovey wouldn't mind missing a new gadget if it meant saving up for necessity. Save yourself some dignity.

- If you say it's a loan, I consider it a loan. A loan which has a payment plan and has to be paid on time. Then again, I understand extensions because there really are things in the world that happen beyond anyone's control. But well, extending five times is, to be brutally honest, a little shameful. To think that I don't even put on interest. If you extend, please be polite enough to inform me periodically that you still remember the agreement instead of me wondering if you even remember who I am.

- When I say I can't, I mean that I CAN'T. You don't have to text me ten more times pleading for the same thing that I already dismissed. If I rejected you once, I'll probably do it again even after three hours or three days. Oh, and don't try to borrow while you still have an outstanding balance with me 'cause that's just too funny. Don't try to make me laugh because eventually my laughter turns into sarcasm.

I understand that you are an average person stuck in the economic recession. Guess what, I'm in it too!

For Them

The recent shutdown of numerous big companies and the consequent lay-offs have been polluting the news these days. Unfortunately, I’ve seen this. We were also affected by this meltdown and I’ve watched people go in groups, with false smiles amidst pained expressions and teary eyes. I saw how the boss regretfully announced the sad news, the initial breakdown, the look of understanding on their faces and the peaceful resolution that came soon after. I’ve seen many of them strive hard for their dreams and families, only to be put away with all their hard work made to mean nothing. And as for us who were left behind, I know that no amount of sympathy from us can match the frustration and disappointment that each of them felt.

So for those who fell victim to life’s little naughty jokes. For those who are feeling like they just hit a wall. For those whose worlds crumbled down in mere seconds:

I can say this about failure: Today you can cry hard about it, but know that someday you'll laugh even harder; because by then you're stronger, smarter and better than you could ever imagine.

Good luck.

M & P

As mundane and sinful as this may sound, there are only 2 things that matter in this underground escapade: money and pride.

The first one is relatively easy to gain because like they always say: underworked, overpaid. In my case, it's more like: irritatingly underemployed, but blissfully overpaid.

Pride, however, is a whole different story. The pit is a place where humans are made to act like robots and machines are forced to think like humans. For a few hours, regular people who happen to have a worldful of self-respect are compelled to surrender their rights to a hierarchy that creates their delusional sense of superiority and pride.

Putanginang motivation yan. I CAN work without it, as I have done so in the past. I have pushed myself harder and further before, but my pride has never been compromised to a degree that I did not deserve. Even though I already knew that this time, I would have to compromise more; I still expected the least. I only expected freakin' affirmation. ONLY affirmation... for the fact that even though I fail to be pliable to authority and socially exciting to my equals, I have proved that I can rise beyond what is required. I heard none, not even a passing remark; because as usual, in this crappy adult high school world: cool people always win.

Five Steps

Here are five steps to guaranteed public execution on grounds of extremely unusual interest and social behavior:

1. See a beetle, rejoice.

2. Try to kick it gently with shoe but allow beetle to stick itself on the sole.

3. Pick up beetle and play with it. Jokingly (for you, at least) scare the on-lookers, especially the squeamish women.

4. Warn all other species to avoid killing the said beetle, after a merciless few attempt spraying it with cigarette embers.

5. Let go of beetle and offer a simple explanation to the curious higher species as to why it hisses.

That's all there is to it. Wait for the vile jokes that come soon after, forcing you to spit out the genus and species of the said creature for an extended moment of shame.

The scientific name is Oryctes rhinoceros. Happy now? I'm not even a friggin' Bio major (so it's not surprising if I got it wrong). BOO.

Resignation

I know, our species are going extinct.

Her hubby used to shower me with playful insults every day. But now, he was contented with tapping my arm meaningfully and periodically gave me prolonged pats in the back. I understood. She left us both to rot in this hellish pit of boredom and there was less reason to laugh. (Disclaimer: She's not dead.)

If I was the criminal, they were my husband&wife team of accomplices. They were a more cruel set of smart-asses. I had UP memories in my blood, but they had the whole UP culture in their veins.

Now there's just two of us awkwardly going through this monotony. Maybe he stopped messing with me because this shit is no longer a laughing matter. We can't do crimes if it's just us. But...

Resignation is the way to the Light. We stayed away from the Light better than she did.



(Drama. Haha. It was not meant to be ma-drama though.)

I get it.

NOW I totally get it. Passion. It's irreplaceable. Not even the numerous golden Ninoys can match it.

Money is good. Despite the millions of icky bacteria it harbors, a bundle of cash smells good, even just figuratively speaking. It's my anti-pest spray that keeps all the pesky petty shortage issues away. And I do consider myself lucky, to be in this thing that apparently does sprout money as easily as mung beans on a damp towel. Then like some kind of twisted poetic justice, just when you think you've got what you always wanted; all the other non-worldly bullshit in your life come to multiply themselves into those little shitheads that annoy you every day.

No matter how much your colleagues envy you for your high incentives, no matter how bitter your sibling is because you're a little wealthier, and no matter how much guilt was lifted because you were able to endure mental suicide for the sake of a little stability...

... it all comes down to what you want. Still.



I can do better than this.

I can extract and fingerprint DNA. How many people in the world can do that? Right? Fine, there's probably a lot of people who can do the same thing and more but still, I don't deserve to be treated like a load of stupid crap.

And they said, at least you'll have friends. Yeah, if only there were more than two people with whom you won't have to explain yourself all the time.

Personality At Work

I am an INTJ. I knew that from a personality test I took years ago.

credits to this blog for the very fitting image

This is part of the profile of an INTJ according to Wikipedia: "They tend to be pragmatic and logical individuals, often with an individualistic bent and a low tolerance for spin or rampant emotionalism. They are also commonly not susceptible to catchphrases and commonly do not recognize authority based on tradition, rank or title."

So despite having this extremely boring, repetitive workload mixed with a crowd of arrogant know-it-alls who think they're naturally some kind of superior species; I manage. I don't care how much higher they are at the ranks, 'cause it doesn't mean they're better than anybody else. No one gets any right to raise his/her voice at me just because I was able to finish something in a shorter time frame than what was expected. It's how I work, and I get paid well for that speed. This job is boring enough that I don't have to linger too much on a stupid questionnaire.

Also, according to the article: "They generally withhold strong emotion and do not like to waste time, as they see it, with what they consider irrational social rituals. This, however, may cause non-INTJs to perceive them as distant and reserved."

So no one should expect me to take interest in that unnecessary activity of chismisan, that even gets as far as the whole world knowing how much I got on my last paycheck. Thank you for the good remarks, but there's a reason why payslips are printed in those peek-proof sheets. That reason is called confidentiality.

Lastly: "Hallmark features of the INTJ personality type include independence of thought, strong individualism, creativity, and a desire for efficiency. People with this personality type work best given large amounts of autonomy and creative freedom.... They tend to be acutely aware of their knowledge and abilities, as well as their limitations and what they don't know."

So if I want to be a smart ass, I WILL be a smart ass.


I recommend the articles on the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types for a fun read at work where other reading materials are prohibited.

Insanity

I don't know 'cause I'm not a doctor, but isn't it when they diagnose you for mental disorder they ask if you've felt or experienced anything unusual? They'd backtrack towards events in your life or previous actions that might prove your sanity or otherwise.

Okay, so let's backtrack...


*** AFTER OVERTIME***
After another crazy day at work without sleep, I accompanied my mom to the hospital for some routine lab tests; then we went grocery shopping. I usually don't stare at other people but a certain girl caught my attention. She was confidently walking with her boyfriend inside the air-conditioned mall while wearing a) an orange bra, b) overlaid with a sheer white blouse, c) skinny jeans, d) a red scarf and e) dark shades. I was stifling giggles so much that my mother wanted to hit me. Hehe.

Sorry, I don't intend to be mean... but girl, ano ba? Don't contradict yourself! I don't know if the ensemble was meant to be for summer or winter. It's okay to wear a two-piece suit with a translucent cover-up on the beach but in the mall? And fine, for the sake of fashion, it's okay that Pinoys wear scarves despite the equatorial weather, but not with exposed bright-colored brassieres. Maybe it's just me; but forgive me for this one, I had a bursting laugh anyway.


***BEFORE OVERTIME***
Everyday I get a lot of jokes about so many different things. Some are worth a little smile but most of them have been quite irritating. But behold, here's one joke that actually made me laugh for a good minute:

     Two atoms are walking down the sidewalk,
     Atom 1: “Wait! Stop! I think I lost an electron!"
     Atom 2: “Are you sure?”
     Atom 1: “Yeah, I’m positive!”

Corny, hehe. But I laughed! Maybe I just missed chem (eh?). Ironically, later that day I was teaching a kid about redox reactions. LOL


***SOMETIME MID-DAY***
Girl: Anna, question. What do you call that middle groove below the nostrils and above the upper lip?
Me: Ah, that one. It starts with PH. Wait... (2 seconds) ... ah, it's PHALLUS.

Girl: Oh, actually sounds familiar. Thanks. *she begins looking it up at Google to look for a technical definition*
Me: (Teka, why does it sound weird? Sexual. Shet!)  Wait!

Girl: Huh?
Me: It's PHILTRUM. Phallus is... erm, look it up on Wikipedia.

:)

Stupid.

No one's born dumb.

But stupid? Maybe.

... Like people who don't even think about how they bother other people's work just so they can do theirs flawlessly without even a shred of effort.

To my friends who can read this entry, have you ever seen me get mad? If not, read and enjoy. :)

-000-

Because I believe in preserving your dignity and I think no one deserves to be degraded in front of others, I haven't said anything to embarass you and I haven't told them yet about the stupidity I've witnessed. Your name's not even here and these people don't even know you. Dito na lang, at least di ka nila kilala. I get the chance to bash you without anyone else getting hurt.

You were employed in a company that speaks English as a policy so would you please learn to speak in freakin' English?! Have you even noticed how we answer you in a different language everytime you ask a stupid question? Did you even notice how we were hoping you'd follow suit? I guess not then. And I know you're wondering why I've shared more small talks with your American guy than you two actually had. Use the language and maybe you won't be so left out. Stop thinking you can get away with anything because you look innocent and pretty. Other people are investing their efforts and mental energy on something that you'd just breeze through because your talented colleagues just happened to be kind enough to make things easier for you.

You think you know how it works. You think because they call me anytime to ask for help, you can do the same and abuse me? They ask me for second opinions and that's only because they believe I know better at some things. They ask about grammar -something that even I get confused with sometimes- and factual tidbits that they assume I would happen to know. But you... you ask me to think for you! Get your neurons working, girl. Read, think, understand! Before you complain about things being so hard, have you ever thought maybe that's because they're meant to be hard and meant to require this basic action called THINKING?

Tangina, mag-isip ka naman! (I don't usually curse, but forgive me just this once.)

I help them because they ask nicely. And besides, they offer me the same help when I'm the one who needs it. They're even that nice to treat me to lunch even though it's not necessary. It's called teamwork. They see the problem, think and try to work it out... and then say "Anna, can you help me with this?" And then say thank you or promise a treat in return. Do you even realize what you do? You see the problem, scratch your head, complain about how difficult it looks and say, "Anna, tulungan mo nga ko dito! Ang hirap naman kasi!"

I don't even know why I still come running to help you even though you sound like you're ordering me and not asking me. I even abandon my job to help you first because it takes a lot of dictating and explaining for you to understand what needs to be done. When everyone else has left because they're tired of you're doing your job for you, I stay and endure the whole process. I do that even when you keep a weird gaze at me when I browse news, trivia sites or stuff about stem cells and odd magazine articles. Hija, it's called READING. I'm not like the rest of 'em who answer love quizzes in their free time. They already made sure I get that I'm weird so I'm used to the stares. But you're much worse then them. You have the guts to interrupt my reading and force me to do the same nonsense so you'll be entertained. Are you serious?

Normal people don't tolerate that kind of parasitic behaviour. It so happened that I'm not as normal so you're lucky I tolerate you. You get that, right? You're not dumb... even though you don't know what dumb means (I'm not exaggerating, the poor girl really doesn't know). You just need to stop being lazy and let the brain you're born with get some well-needed workout.

It's okay to ask me. Just think first before you do. And try to do your job by yourself, at least once. See how it feels. Maybe then you'll understand the expressions we all have when we read our payslips. While you're at it, try understanding the computation of your salary too. Oh, and maybe next time I can teach you about stem cells and stuff so you'll impress them with your looks AND wit.

And yes, when my blood returns to its normal temperature, I'll still help you. Don't worry, I won't call you stupid out there. I had to do it here so no one else would have to hear it.

-000-

Hay, salamat at may Multiply restricted access. Gusto ko pa magmura, pero tama na ang isa. I want to believe I'm still kind enough to have vented it out this way than in any other manner.

Underemployed.

Tulad nga ng sabi ni Faye: underemployed.

Hahaha.

Hiro... tasukete?

What happens when a single, indivisible organism such as yourself attempts to do every kind of shit they tell you?

Get a job, any job. Learn to drive. Live abroad. Meet a guy. Take the tests. Get that professional license. Learn to cook. Lose the extra ten pounds. Be a freakin' biochemist or whatever it is you call yourself. Have a social life. Wear decent clothes. Act like a girl. Try to smile.

What happens? You just, well... explode.

Remember Peter Petrelli from Heroes? He was the empath -the one who could absorb and mimic their abilities. Remember what they said would happen if he carried too much powers?

So tell me, Hiro, how do you stop an exploding man?

Drama Queen, For Once.

I was never a drama queen.

When the lives of the people around you contain enough drama to make a soap opera, there is no time to waste adding your own drama to the mix. I don't remember having a crying fit, banging a door or walking out because of anything. Others found it quite strange for me to be calm, sensible and ridiculously compliant when the rest of the teenage population was composed of either happy-go-lucky or excessively emo rebels.

You see, the most stubborn I can go was to make a disappointing decision.

I think there's nothing wrong with being anti-social. You don't accuse someone of being anti-social. It is a choice to avoid displaying unnecessary emotion and friendliness, just like it is a choice to be loud and outgoing. We are not less human and we don't necessarily have low self-esteem.

Isn't it convenient that I haven't said that to anybody's face yet? Just because I don't scream and lash out at anybody, doesn't mean everything you say is acceptable. Just because I am obedient and non-confrontational by nature doesn't mean what you do isn't demeaning. You don't know how lucky you are that I am relaxed and rational like they say I am; that I don't add more unnecessary drama to your life.



I know I still don't have the luxury to wallow. I still am deprived of the right to be angry. I don't even remember the last time I felt my eyes damp. But would you please, at least... give me time to breathe? 

A Passing

Rein, the rat, passed away this morning due to unknown causes.

His petrified body was discovered at noon, eyes closed and peacefully lying on his side. We buried him in the yard and stabbed a wooden cross in the ground in his memory.


Rein was a good rat. Despite his sharp bites to my hand, clever escapes and his being picky with food; he lived a life full of monkey bar exhibitions and funny rodent antics. But the most notable of all was he spent more than half of his life in the service of science - and to him I owe my college degree, among many others. 

Safe trip, my S630.

Sira ang camera ko. The one my cousin and her fiance gave me last Christmas.

After the Eastwood gimmick last Wednesday, I tried taking pictures of the people as they went home but I noticed my pictures were always out of focus. They were all blurred, distorted and looked like the captured vision of someone who forgot his/her glasses. As soon as I got home, I searched the net for a solution only to discover that my problem was a common defect of that cheap Samsung model... along with many other mysterious defects. The easiest solution is to have it fixed at a service center. But since the camera was bought in the US and the receipts are with my cousin, I'm sending the camera with my aunt so my cousin could have it fixed there under the warranty.

My S630 is traveling tomorrow. It's stopping over in Korea and arriving in Chicago Saturday morning. Ingat sana sya. Lol.

... so I can sell it afterwards.

Sorry for the Inconvenience. Right.

I'm terribly busy but I'm posting this entry as a protest to bad automated system and customer service. I am very calm by nature and don't usually grump about people or companies unless the situation absolutely calls for it.

But today, I've simply had enough of Globe's system delays and constant glitches.

Here's what happened:
It's my first time using their Share-A-Load service on my few months-old Globe sim; and I know for a fact that there's a short registration procedure in using the system. So I sent 5 pesos to my mom's number only so that I can get the confirmation message which includes the mechanics for registration of Share-A-Load. After a few messages saying my request cannot be accommodated and an hour's delay, the P5 I sent was received, and I finally obtained the mechanics for registration. Obviously I'm not dumb or blind, so I read AND understood the registration procedure. I did the thing in a breeze, and again, after so much delay, I received the message confirming my registration. And by the way, with that I also got a second message confirming the P5 I sent to my mom... which means, because I tried sending it so many times, two transactions were recorded in their system and processed, only because they always CANNOT accommodate the request. How's that? So anyway, after that I tried sharing P100 to my brother, using the four-character PIN I registered with. The return message from Globe said that I entered the wrong PIN and that I should send GET <mother's maiden name> to retrieve it. So even though I was  wondering why that happened, I again followed the instruction and expected to get my PIN. And yet again, after such a long time, I received something saying that I entered the wrong mother's maiden name. How can I be wrong about my mother's maiden name?! I assumed (because I couldn't find any other explanation) that it was probably a glitch. So I sent the Share-A-Load request to my brother repeatedly, like I always do when weird stuff happens like in frequently palpak UnliTxt or Sulitxt requests. And then magically, WITHOUT THE USUAL DELAY, I received the service message saying that my Share-A-Load capability was blocked due to sending the wrong PIN three times! And it said to call 215 for my concerns, etc. After mutterring a few WTFs, I decided to call this 215 and got hold of a poor call center agent. I was ranting non-stop on the phone but then my kinder alter-ego actually wanted to be more considerate to this agent who's not actually the one at fault. Just when I had given my name and number and calmed down a bit, the line went dead. With my patience reaching the critical limit, I called again and got connected to the program playing music while waiting for an agent to pick up. I heard the line pick up but there was only dead air. So for the friggin' third time, I called and fortunately got connected to a new male agent (the first one's female). He told me the same stuff the girl told me before we got cut off and asked for my name and number again, but then also asked for my sim serial number which I cannot fetch due to my location (duh). He explained that I have to call again when I get the serial so they could verify it before they can even activate my Share-A-Load capability. And after a thousand apologies from him and some standard closing spiels, I got nothing.

All the hassle for nothing. In the first place, if the system was reliable enough I wouldn't have resorted to calling Customer Service and the guy wouldn't have to keep saying he's sorry for the inconvenience he didn't actually cause. There are a lot more complaints on several forums on the net when I checked, especially on the Globe Rewards and the UnliTxt service. Besides, I've had enough calling them again and again to ask about mysteriously disappearing phone credits; or the strange load-devouring tendency of my brother's previous roaming service.

I'm not saying we boycott Globe or anything. I'm also not saying we call them up and yell on all of their customer service reps... I'm just ranting.

He kept saying "Ma'am, sorry for the inconvenience". It's his job. I can only imagine him trying to handle the other irate, less understanding customers because they had the same or worse problems that I had with the company's services.

Considering they're a major service provider, probably abound with experts in the telecom and sales industry, I wonder what they could be doing wrong.

"Careful, ateh..." - some gay guy

I fell down four steps of stairs at an LRT station some few hours ago. The stampede of people going down the stairs gasped. Some had shocked expressions on their faces and others shook their heads.

I laughed. I hit my hip hard and it hurts, but I just felt like laughing. I smiled even as I heard several whispers like "ano nangyari, kawawa naman" and that memorable "careful, ateh" from a gay guy behind me. A lot more kept asking "okay ka lang?" until I felt my ears get saturated. I just don't understand; hello, I laughed... can we all just be fine with it and go on with our lives?

When it came to a point that I couldn't laugh anymore, I ended up saying "I'm okay! Thanks for asking".

I'm just saying. People have the right to feel that they're not okay, and enjoy pretending that they are.